UGH!

Yeah, that's right.


UGH!

It is precisely how I feel right now, despite having a marginally successful day with my PHP gallery.

I had to contact the script's author to get it up and running though. Eegads :P

Then I realized after hours and hours of mindbreaking staring at code that what I initially wanted is not possible.

There is no way in hell I am uninstalling this gallery and doing another one. Not at this point. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week or month. But right now I am just happy that it is working.

This was a big hurdle! I hope now that since most of the content is being uploaded as I type, that I can start in on the main stuff tonight.

Tomorrow we're off to Carowinds :p

Dem Natl. Conv.

Yeah so I was too lazy to type it all out. So sue me. :p

I have been watching it on CSPAN and CNN for the past few nights. Quite interesting. My parents were Democrats so I'm a little biased. Of course I think Bush is a total moron as well so that doesn't help but Kerry isn't my favorite either. I classify myself now as Independent.

In any event, dare I say it, I really like Clinton. Always have. I was one of those people that never minded much that he had a blow job in the oval office. We had no business at all peeking into his private affairs, they have nothing to do with our nation or its policies. I think all of that fiasco was nationally embarassing. The rest of the world was laughing at us, and hard. Stupid republicans.

I really do not know who will win in November, and I don't really care. Bush is a laughing stock to anyone with a brain that has active synapses, but in reality, will things really change? Do they really change at all depending on the Presidency? I think not. The government does not regulate the mores of society nor do they legislate what is popular. I would even venture to say that most people do not even take their cues from the government anymore. The mob, the masses, they dictate where this country is headed.

The masses, after all, elect our politicians.

People should stop complaining about them really, we supposedly are voting in the 'best we have' so if that is what the American people can summon up to offer to serve us - what can we do?

In all seriousness, we all know the smartest people do not become politicians. They go off and create millions for themselves in business or research and development in the sciences/tech fields or aim high in Law firms and private practices.

Sometimes they get stuck raising three kids in suburbia, too. Wondering why all that was squandered and screaming silently, if fiercely, inside like a bansidhe. ;)

Man I'm on a rant today.

On another note, I have a horizon of code to look at today, figuring out PHP and how to establish a gallery on my new site configured precisely how I would like. A new problem to solve, a challenge to tackle. I am looking forward to it!

Once I get that done, adding the rest of the content shouldn't be that long and I will have a grand unveiling soon.

Why do we do it?

Why do we parents do it? Why do we cart our children around to umpteen practices or lessons every day of the week? Why do we even sign them up in the first place?

Do the kids enjoy it? I would mostly argue that no, they do not. I hear a lot of groans and mumbles most of the time. Parents saying 'come on you must' and dragging them around by the scruff of the neck, figuratively.

Does it give them any edge in life, this planned and full schedule of training, lessons and practices? If anything it gives a social outlet that is different from school and a chance to excel at something other than academia, but when children begin at the age of 3 and sometimes even younger, I question the parent's motives.

I think there is a hell of a lot of vicarious experiencing going on.

Parents who couldn't afford to do it themselves and so foist it upon their children. Parents who do not have the inclination or energy to practice anymore but wish they could so foist it upon their children.

Lots of foisting going on as well.

I am probably guilty as charged.

My daughter loves horses. Adores them, has since she could talk. So when she could, at 6, we started her with taking English Riding lessons. She is actually really good at it and enjoys it -- she has never asked not to go. It is only once a week and it is the only thing she does. However, when I was a girl I wanted more than anything to take lessons, but we could never afford it. Is there a little something in it from me and my own perceptions and desires unmet that is making these allowances for her? I would gather in the affirmative.

Same with my son, who takes Shaolin Kung Fu. I have always respected the martial arts and wanted to train myself, but almost incapacitating shyness keeps me away. But we take him twice a week to training sessions and are behind him all the way.

I believe there is a deep seated need in us to live a little bit again through our children. I do not think it is the most mature aspect of us, but I believe we do it all the same. I also think that it can be completely overdone and too much pressure put them to excel and that it can be damaging.

So why I don't like people...

Just in general really. Why?

Perhaps because people have pretense. They give false smiles and tell false tales. They try their hardest to make themselves appear near perfect and more importantly and more noticeably, they want to appear better than you. Genuineness is such a rare quality anymore.

It is difficult to live in this miasma of bull. I almost feel a need to regulate what I say in response to who I am talking to -- and I am not talking about common courtesy at all here -- I am talking about topics of conversation in general.

I think my problem is that there isn't one single interesting person that I have met in more than 2 years of living in this subdivision. Not a one. Everyone has too many hangups that bleed over into everything if I make friends. I don't want to know about your husband's inability to keep it up. I don't want to know about your stretch marks or how your ass looks in those pants. I don't want to know about your dog's pooping on the floor for the umpteenth time nor do I care if your kids get good grades or make the team. And for the last time, I could give a big flying dump about the color of your walls, the texture of your wallpaper and if the colors match in your throw rugs.

Where is the intelligence in suburbia? Where are the interesting topics of conversation that don't make people's eyes glaze over in an ignorant fuzz? I want real conversations! Is that too much to ask?

What I'd really like is for someone to understand me when I am speaking to them about something more meaningful than swimming lessons.

Thank god for my husband.

This is bad!!

Oh dear. I just got my pre-order box for Everquest II. All it is is some previews and you can create your character and save it, nothing too fancy -- but there was this 9 minute in-game/gameplay video that was narrated by one of the designers.

I think I fell out of my chair with excitement.

First let me preface by saying that I never once played Everquest, so I am not tarnished with hatred like so many players are.

I do not even care about the supposed bad reputation Sony Online Entertainment has. I must play this game. They have made so many improvements for immersion that I don't think I'll be seeing daylight for at least a week when it comes out.

I have realized that is really all I care about in these games. Immersion. I think that is why I really cannot login to Dark Age of Camelot anymore. I have been everywhere, I have done everything, been to the very top and seen it all. "Finished" I guess. Realm versus realm combat does not excite me as something I could login to do everyday because of the glaring imbalances.

On the Bartle test I was 90% explorer. I know where my priorities lie. :) I'd post the link but for some reason the site is down right now. I'll append later.

What I really cannot wait for is the future of gaming in virtual reality. To boldly go, as it were, as we can only do nowadays. The only frontier left really.

Besides, it is all well and good to be able to stand up to a monster and beat it down looking at screen pixels, but when a nanobot is making your brain react as if the beast's breath was hot and sticky on your face and your sweaty palm was slipping on the hilt of your sword --- would I be as brave?

I can't wait to find out.

A good flick

The Bourne Supremacy. Just got home from seeing it with hubby. Was a little drunk from dinner but that didn't cloud my judgement. *hic* ;)

Really though. It was slick. Smooth, tight and well acted. Highly reccomend. Damon is a firmer Jason Bourne and even more believable, and couched in his role quite nicely. The director was very good, and on the way home heard some interesting tidbits on NPR about him. Apparently he did 'Bloody Sunday' which was a film about the IRA massacre in 1972. But he filmed it so 'real' that people thought it was a documentary. He took that sort of raw, fresh angle and turned it onto this blockbuster franchise and hit gold, as far as I'm concerned. It was fresh and carried you along for the ride with Bourne the entire way, barely letting you up for air. Thumbs up, big big.

I am about 50% done with my new website affair. I have to begin to add the content, which is arguably the easiest part since that is what I had already. I am vastly changing it. I hope to have it up in the next week, if time permits. If not, the week after.

Wooohooo!

The kids are going off for the weekend and hubby and I have about three days to ourselves. Time for some crazy freakish se... Ummm, 'quality time'. Umm yeah.

I am pretty dang happy lately. Photoshop is just allowing me such a creative outlet I feel it pouring through every possible way. I even *gasp* started seriously thinking about my screenplay(s) again.

I can't give up on that. Despite all this other 'stuff' in my life, that is my true dream. Well, admittedly, a dream that has sort of changed over the years from being an actress and being a writer that kind of blended into one dream. But hey, it gives me something to look for.

Then sometimes I do a 180 and wish I could go back to school and study quantum physics and biotechnology. Crazy, I know. What the hell am I thinking at 31 years of age anyway? But I wish it all the same.

Actually, I wish I could do it all.

Whoever thought that I'd feel more opportunity and ability to create these dreams at 31 than when I was 17 and just starting out?

Making a Change

Ok since my website is close to being ready to unveil, I thought that I should change the look of the blog to fit.

After I finish my website I plan to learn how to make my own Blog template. Until that time I'll use one of the base one we get from blogger.com.

Been super busy as usual. Weekends are tough for me to take time out for much of anything. It's a nice system, weekends are for family.

A couple observations I just can't keep in.

I, Robot was great! I had hoped to read the short stories it was based on by Asimov, but I couldn't find a copy anywhere. Good on his estate as far as profits go, bad for me. Even used book stores were sold out. I'll have to wait. I enjoyed it immensely and thought it well done. Plus, Will Smith is just charismtic.

Last night I watched Six Feet Under. Big fan of the show, have been keeping up with it since about halfway through the first season. Very good. I was torn apart after seeing it yesterday. (Spoiler alert!) I was there when David went through all of that. But most of all I was yelling at him to fight back! There were so many opportunities for him to get away, it was driving me up a wall. I think I actually yelled at the screen twice - and despite my vociferous nature, I never do that! I was talking to hubby about it afterward and I thought the writers needed to screw David up some more. Yeah, he was gay and working on his lover to come out - there were all those issues.. but despite them he remained a lovable and sweet character who was truly genuine and seemed together. They needed to mess him up. Modus Operandi=get traumatized in one of the worst ways possible.

Then, I watched S.W.A.T. Was pretty good for an entertainment/action flick. Colin Farrell is interesting to watch and I always am a fan of Sam Jackson. Lots and lots of plot holes in it and I really don't think it very plausible for the chase scene at the end with the plane landing on a bridge and no one being around, but hey, it suited the writers so nevermind about believability!

Then after the movie hubby comes in, I am about 10 minutes into a documentary about Polygamy in Utah when he wants the remote. I sketch a short rebuttal, claiming that he'd been in the computer room all this time doing what he wanted, he can't just walk in here and watch what he wants now that he is ready to. He claims he was 'letting me watch my movie.' Stalemate. I give up on the polygamy, they're all crazy anyway, what is new about that?

So he starts browsing through channels and we're chatting and talking it up. He lands on Jackass, just starting. We end up watching the entire movie, laughing our guts out the entire time. I was watching for the fun of it, sure, but I can't escape the objective observations as well.

Why do we enjoy feats of the ridiculous? I think I hit on the key. We are laughing and appalled for two reasons. They are getting exactly what they deserve. Moronic stunts getting them injured and humiliated done by moronic guys. So it's hilarious because they got what was coming to them.

I also pondered our society. Why would we find this amusing? This shock value entertainment.

Well, it didn't take me but a couple seconds to retract the thought, all my history background coming to the fore and reminding me. This is not new in any way, shape or form. Humans have shocked to get a reaction for as long as there have been venues to do it in. Think of the Gladiator areans of over two thousand years ago, to public executions which /still/ occur (though there is a duality to public executions, where showing people what will happen to them if they 'disobey' is a large part of it, but they use shock to hit that point home) to this day in prisons across America.

I will note I did not enjoy (or watch, per quick warning from my husband who had seen parts before) the gross toilet humor nor vomiting that must have happened more than half a dozen times. I just cannot watch that!

The rest was pretty funny, though :)

Nothing to see here, move along...

Just popping in to say Boo and update that I am still in a frenzy over my new GUI. Photoshop is such fun, skills I can use forever. Much more satisfying than gaming, even if I still love to scratch that itch :)

Will post pics soon!

Busy Bee

I think I went crazy yesterday. In the not-coming-up-for-air sense. I worked for five hours on my GUI for my homepage. I got a lot done. I just flew through it.

Then of course after sleeping on it and thinking about it I changed about 25% this morning. Having too much fun! Not quite ready to post a picture yet. Actually I'll probably be ready to just inveil the whole site in a week or so.

Won't see the light of day....

Nope. Not for sometime. I just got my copy of Photoshop 7 in. It is over. I will be huddled over my computer screen for days, maybe even weeks.

I have in my head the style and layout I want. I know what images I want to use and what sort of logo I want to create. I have just been waiting for this program so I can hop to and breathe life into it.

I cannot wait!!

So I will try and pop by here from time to time and maybe even post some updates.

*dives for the caffiene, iTunes and snacks* See you on the other side!

Shaolin

My son takes Kung Fu lessons. The ancient kind, the old chinese form. He is learning at a Chinese cultural center here in town. I did not want to have anything to do with those ridiculous strip mall Karate studios. This place is a real dojo. Authentic.

He is learning from a Master who learned from a Master, etc on down the line.

Today the Grandmaster came for a special celebration. All the students performed a demonstration, my son included. I was so proud I could barely keep my smile from breaking my face. He was focused and concentrating and he did perfectly. I had been watching them practice for a couple of days and he really understood the seriousness of the situation and he was a different boy out there. He is only five and a half, but wow!

I wish I could afford my other two kids to learn there as well. :/ It is such a sight to behold, them learning in this tradition. Part vicarious experience, part envy and mostly just complete and utter pride and happiness.

Sun and Pool

Man today has been a nice day so far. Took the kids to our neighborhood pool and decided to go in, which is a rarity for me usually. But the weather has been so hot and yucky, it was the perfect day for it. Man it was nice, the water was perfect and the kids were pretty good. Still trying to get my 7-year-old to tread water, but she is getting better and better at swimming in general. My 5-year-old doesn't want to have anything to do with swimming, but he loves going underwater in the 3-feet deep end. I have nightmares about him falling in some large, deep body of water and him just sinking. Terrible.

My youngest also takes Shaolin Kung Fu lessons. This weekend the grandmaster comes to visit and he is doing a special demonstration on Friday night, also taking a class with the grandmaster on Saturday. I am looking forward to it. Can anyone say vicarious experience?

I wish I had enough money to have private lessons in my home so we would not have to deal with some of the other factors of having a class environment, but such is life. Maybe someday we will.

Hoping to be able to take pictures of the demonstration, will ask at practice tonight if I am able.

Templates, GUIs, NUIs, Photoshop and you...

...or me, as the case may be. I am completely enraptured. I have a fundamental need now to see this task completed. A couple of weeks ago when I began my little quest into learning more about the wonders of photoshop I never dreamed that I could look at those fancyshmancy interfaces and logos on websites and know how to do them. Now I look at those sites and see what I can incorporate into my own site, and am no longer intimidated by the graphics. I have seized the knowledge and it feels goooood!

So over the next few weeks I am going to be inundated with creative flow. I am looking forward to it like a madwoman.

A couple observations since I've had quite a full day:

I am reading Stephen King's The Dark Tower series. Am on book #4, almost done with it. It is entitled, Wizard and Glass. It was slow going but the end is ripping me to shreds. I have totally and completely fallen in love with Roland. I didn't quite realize that I had until this one scene where he demonstrates his fierce bravery and skill in battle again. I felt pride and protectiveness all at once. The feelings that these stories evoke are stunning and I am not used to being so manipulated anymore, cynic reader that I am. I am reveling in the feeling, and I am eager to go lounge on the couch tonight and finish it so I can move on to the next.

Also, I am really looking forward to King Arthur tomorrow in theaters. I love movies!!! I love having something to look foward to even more.

Nothing of note.

Today ran rather uneventfully. I think the most interesting comments of the day were made about Michael Moore's movie Farenheit 9/11. Husband and I were chatting in the car about it. He said he wanted to see it. I sort of made a face and shrugged my shoulders.

Now do not get me wrong, I am no Bush lover. Far from it. But the way in which Moore portrays his opinions is nigh on farce. It reeks of childish tantrum. I think I refuse to watch it in protest of his immaturity -- that he is alienating people who would actually listen to what he has to say, if he did not do it in such a histrionic way.

That, and I'm way too cynical. Everything is crap. :p

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th and all of that. Independence Day how many years anniversary now?

Hubby and I were talking about this yesterday. I was reading this little booklet that comes in Chick Fil A kids meals (yay Chick Fil A for giving out books!) and it was all about the birth of our nation, but watered down into blurbs that are easy for children to read. I was just perusing it while I was eating and it got me thinking.

I mentioned to hubby, "Our framers were geniuses. Idealists."

He nodded but instantly went into how they wanted to make sure that we didn't have a King, it was not really about equality for everyone, that's for sure.

I nodded and retorted, "I didn't say noble, I said geniuses and idealists."

This country of ours really was the very first to stand by the right of people to speak their mind and be protected by law for it. I know it did not extend to everyone back in those years, but we have slowly woken up and have crescendoed into the full meaning of the law. We still have hiccups here and there, but those will be smoothed out over time. I am an idealist as well to believe that, in all likelihood, but I can live with that.

It is probably the only thing I really care about in this convoluted messed up system we call our government. Amendment #1. Free Speech. Nothing better has been thought up yet by any country or mode of government anywhere. It is a beautiful thing and today we celebrate it.

Hope your barbeque and beer is good :)

Carowinds and more Carowinds. And fireworks.

I reek of Carowinds. Amusement Park mania!

Not really.

We just went yesterday and we decided, since we have season passes, that we should hit the fireworks display tonight there and miss the crowd tomorrow. I think it will be a good time. The kids haven't really seen a big fireworks display yet, just the homegrown variety, so this should be good and memorable for them.

It of course reminds me of the awesome displays I was privy to as a child, sitting in the Digital Equipment parking lot and getting to see Marriott's for free.

I have absolutely no clue what we're doing tomorrow. Nothing special I don't think. Not even a cook out anywhere. Kinda boring I suppose but nothing materialized I think because our vacation was so near. Next weekend is the Highland Festival and we had better make time to go to that, I have been itching to go see it for years.

I cannot believe there is only a month left until school starts again. I feel a twinge of guilt of course for looking forward to it. I really do like the peace and quiet I have acquired with them all off to school during the day. Plus, I am getting serious creative juices flowing about my website re-design. Starting to 'see' it in my head and plan and think about how and what I want to do. For once I am being non-impulsive about this and trying to plan. We'll see how that works out for me.

I would like to finish something that I have started. It does not happen as often as I would like, that is for sure. Time to grow up and show some control, I guess.

By the way, see Spider Man 2. Jeezus H Christ that movie was unreal!!!! I love Spidey! It is a wonderful film. Much Tobey McGuire cuteness and the fight scenes were incredible. All around satisfactory!!

Whopper of a headache!

Wednesday was blah. I had this terrible headache all day. For some reason I didn't take any Motrin until evening, then it went away. I guess I was showing some masochistic tendencies. That, or it was a perfect excuse to sit around all day and just do nothing.

I think perhaps it was the latter.

So, off to a slow start today again as well. Waffling on what I want to do. Hubby wants me to level up my character in Anarchy Online so we can play together. I find it boring and it's only fun to play when he plays. Paradox!

I don't want gaming to be a chore but feeling a pressure to level up, well that is not any fun! Besides, the last two nights I've been watching the Rocky movies with my son. It is really cool to be able to see someone watch these movies for the first time and how they effect them.

I have also developed a zeal for watching NBC's The Next Action Hero. I love that show. It is entirely vicarious for me, this show. It does make me wistful though, and wonder about my own dreams that I gave up over a decade ago. Regret really stinks, and it is a waste of time to ponder it... but I cannot help it and find myself doing it more and more often.

There are banal errands to run today, laundry, grocery shopping and the like. I hate the menial tasks of daily life sometimes, most exquisitely when I am in a creative bend like I have been for the past few days. It interrupts.

C'est la vie!